The Rat and the Mink
by VulpineSnow
Summary: Based on Bra1n1ac's "Minktales" with permission. "I hate her so much." Not all members of the public liked Minerva's film debut, some for more personal reasons... Edited 1st chapter. Will not be a oneshot.


The Rat and the Mink

Starring:

An Original Character named Monte Cristo Rat.

and

Minerva Mink of Animaniacs

"I hate her so much."

The words echoed off the walls of the room, which were hidden in darkness. Only one light in the center revealed the room's contents; a single chair, which faced the far wall and a green topped desk.

"I hate her for the indirect part she took in me becoming this… this Mary Sue…" the bitter-sounding voice continued. "Sure, that little speech about love and world peace may have convinced the rest of the world of her 'good nature', but not this rat. No, I know what she is really like. I'm sure of it… Ah, so sorry. You do not know who I am, do you? Well, let this gray fuzz ball introduce himself."

Suddenly, the chair in which the speaker sat swiveled around to face the reader, revealing a thin anthropomorphic gray rat, dressed in a black tailcoat tuxedo, with a white shirt and no tie. His ears were round, yet not so much that they were like Mickey Mouse's ears. Below the eye line of that gray furred face was a narrow, somewhat round muzzle, like that commonly seen on his species. The rodent was frowning as his gaze met the reader's eyes.

"My name is Monte, Monte Cristo Rat." There was a pregnant silence. "Yes, like the sandwich and the Count." The gray rat shook his head. "I know how horrible it sounds, don't badger me about it. I think I was _drawn_ to be a Sue…"

"Now… you are probably wondering who 'she' is. Well, I'll tell you. It's a little prima donna by the name of Minerva Mink. … Yes, the Minerva Mink from Steven Spielberg's _Animaniacs_. … Yes, the Minerva Mink that starred in that romantic film. … What, you actually bought that little epilogue speech? I pity you, then…"

The rat raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Why do I pity you? … Because I know what it is like to be mislead and betrayed." The rat paused, his ears twitching as he listened to protests. "Don't believe me, eh? Well, let me show you something." He reached a furry hand into his coat, soon pulling out what appeared to be a photograph, and flipped it around.

Upon it was a multi-colored ball of fluff; a female mink, by the shape of her face and her long eyelashes. She had an inky black/brown fur coat with patches of white, appearing to weigh about two hundred pounds or more. Her cheeks puffed out like a squirrel's, and her face was covered in freckles. Her hair was wild and untamed, with patches of brown and blonde dominating it as it concealed her ears.

"Meet Minerva, as she was in our freshman year in high school."

The rat smirked at seeing the reader's dumbfounded expression.

"Yeah, she may not be much to look at for you, but this mink was once my best friend…" The smirk died down into a frown as he reach in his coat again, pulling out another picture. "This is Minerva Mink in our sophomore years, after she had broken all ties with me in favor of her new image…"

It was a picture of the Minerva Mink the public knew. Those high cheeks, that velvety snow white fur, that adorable pink nose, that enchanting mane that still allowed her ears to be seen. It was her, without a doubt.

"How did she change so fast from plump and fluffy to slim and sleek? I don't know, and I quite frankly don't care…" His frown increased in intensity as he stood up from his desk, pocketing both photos. "All I know is that she turned her back on me for her new looks."

_A young Monte looked around the seats as he entered the bus, flicking his scaly pink tail away just as the doors would have shut on it. He grinned slightly as he sat beside his closest friend, a certain round ball of fluff named Minerva. "Hey, Min," he greeted, noticing her upset face. "Your mom giving you trouble, again?"_

"_Along with everyone else," the large mink with multicolored fur complained, crossing her arms with a pout. "Ugliest girl with the ugliest house… nothing new there."_

"_Min…" The rat placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're not the ugliest girl to me, remember? Besides, looks are nothing compared to your wit. How many pranks have you foiled?"_

_The mink giggled at the compliment, unable to keep her pout. "Oh, you're always so good to me, Monte…" Her large arms enveloped the thin gray rodent in a hug as she leaned, squeezing precious oxygen out of his lungs, or at least putting pressure on his ribs. The seat they shared shook from the shift in weight, and an arrow aimed for the mink herself bounced off an exposed seat spring. After the projectile finished its course of ricochets –nearly hitting the chipmunk girl who fired it—and exited an open window, the driver of the bus slammed a foot on the brakes, turning around in his seat with a glare. "Next one to fire an arrow in this bus is out of here, got it!" Satisfied with the following silence, the driver turned back around to continue driving the bus._

_Minerva released the rat from her embrace, knowing after so many instances when Monte would reach his limit for holding in air. She giggled as she patted his shoulder. "Sorry, Monte. I had to make sure to dodge that arrow."_

_Monte took in a couple gulps of air, and then nodded, leaning his head into her fluffy, brown/black with a quarter-sized white patch shoulder. "Anything for my best friend, Min…"_

"She was my world, my sole friend. I dare say I had an obsessive crush on Minerva, even before her transformation from 'ugliest girl' to 'gorgeous mink'." The rat remained frowning as he walked around his desk, one of his hands on a framed picture, this one of him and the 'ugly' Minerva posing with silly faces for fun. "To a degree… I still never let her go…" He sighed, bringing a gray hand to his forehead as he began walking through his residence. "Let us end this fourth-wall-breaking interview. I have somewhere I got to be…"

With those words, the gray rat stepped out of his home –a hole in the ground that would make J.R.R. Tolkien's hobbits proud, complete with a circular door and interior decorating—grabbing a set of keys on his way out.

The gray rat had led a very successful life after high school. He was popular, to an extent. Many ladies considered him charming. He was rich, oh so filthy rich, which probably contributed a great deal to his popularity and charm.

But all that came from being a graduated Mary Sue of Perfecto Preparatory College, from having the talent of a schemer and the wits to use that talent. To Perfecto Prep's staff and student body, earning the title and degree of "Mary Sue-ism" was one of the highest honors, even if it was created by humans for Toons. It was proof of being the ultimate cheater… Monte himself was considered a second rate Sue, but a talented one, all the same.

… And yet it all meant so little to him… especially if he did not have his old friend at his side. There was nothing for him to be proud of in his life. Still, he would go along with it, as named–at-birth and graduated Mary Sues often did.

A while later, at the location Monte drove to…

Monte laughed at a humorous tale by one of his friends, wiping an imaginary tear from an eye. "Seriously, old Roger still can't hold a shot of scotch?" he asked. "Poor guy…"

The red fox he was speaking to cackled lightly. "Yeah, but those are the ones who grew up to be 'good guys' in the cartoons: nothing like us Perfectos."

"Aside from some having wits," the gray rat corrected. "Like Bugs, Daffy, and such…"

The correction caused the fox to frown lightly. "Yeah… like them… One has to wonder why Daffy never taught at the Prep."

"Eh… The guy's from the old Merry Melodies. Of course he'd be teaching at the Looniversity… Plus, can you say you honestly want a guy who falls for the old reverse psychology scam multiple times to represent our old stomping ground?"

"True…"

Monte and this fox were among the many witnesses –consisting of both "goody-two shoes" Toons and former students of the Perfecto branch of schools—to the wedding that was about to take place. It was a backyard celebration, with white décor, as expected. Fold out chairs all around, in neat, almost perfect little rows, with the fox and the rat sitting in the back as they waited for the festivities that had been planned. The festivities had been planned out with the assistance Monte Cristo Rat himself. After all, he paid for a good chunk of it. Only the best for one of his pals would do.

"So…" the red fox began, a grin plastered on his red and white muzzle. "Have you seen that newest film; the one with the mink?"

Monte's own playful grin instantly reversed itself into a scornful frown, on instinct, as it were. His gray hands clenched tightly together. "I found it… terrible."

The canine blinked at his friend's upset tone and statement. "Terrible? Dude, what was not to love? Sure, she's one of those witty goody-goodies… like the bride." He looked off to the side slightly, then back at the rat. "But did you see that babe? I thought I was going to melt in my seat!"

Monte's left eye twitched. His friend was yet another victim to Minerva Mink's allure, like so many other men. "I admit… She's alluring…" The rich rat leaned back in his chair, putting his hands together in his lap as he continued. "But I found it… mediocre, at best…" Okay, that was a lie. Monte thought it was an excellent film… He just hated Minerva due to old wounds.

The fox shook his head. "Right… you're for human films like Sweeney Todd and Sleepy Hollow."

"I like pointing out how certain characters screw up their plans of vengeance…" He admitted. "Take Mr. Todd of Fleet Street: he took advice from a strange woman, and paid little attention to his surroundings. Thus," Monte made a slicing motion across his neck.

The fox made a disgusted face. "You obsess over those too much… All the death and vengeance talk… Not even the worst of us from college speak like that, man."

"Well, that's who I am…"

The fox sighed in aggravation, then began turning in his seat, looking around. "Well, you can tell Miss Mink about your opinion of her film when she gets here," he said as he crossed his arms.

"WHAT?" Monte yelled out, doing a double wild take expression of fury and horror, with his eyes bugging out and inflating briefly.

"Yeah, she's on the list."

Monte grabbed the fox by the collar of his coat, dragging him away from the décor of the wedding and pinning him against a tree. "Why is she on the list?"

The fox struggled, wrenching himself free. "It was the request of the bride's maid, Trudy. Apparently, they're best friends, and the bride could not say no."

Best friends? The bride's maid was _best friends_ with her? That hit a sore spot. He should have been the best friends with her, not Trudy!

"Why are you against this, anyway? I thought you'd be excited to meet a celebrity," the fox continued. "Especially one so gorgeous…"

"Well, you thought incorrectly," Monte said with disdain. "Take her off the list. Her mere presence will ruin the festivities I planned for the newlyweds…"

"Hey, chill out man," the fox requested as he put his arms up defensively. "I doubt she's that bad…"

"I guarantee that every male here will be at her beck and call by the first five or ten minutes… including the groom."

The fox blinked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity and realization. "Monte… do you already know her?"

The slim rat gave no answer, instead turning around and crossing his arms. He honestly wasn't sure. He knew Minerva's old, fluffy self, that was certain, but did he know the Minerva of today?

A flash of memory worked itself into his head.

_He shivered, looking around at all the guffaws and stares. He was the victim now, ever since Minerva hit her strange form of puberty. This was just one of those times. To think, so many students could turn the banana cream pie gag into a spiteful prank. Monte was covered from head to toe in pie filling and tins._

_He looked around, wishing he could just disappear, just melt through a crack in the floor tile. That's when he witnessed a horrible sight. Minerva Mink, sweet, now beautiful Minerva, his "Min", his friend since they were little, was laughing with them. She was laughing_ at_ him._

_Not even her godly allure could quell the hurt Monte felt in his heart as his world shattered like glass… and him along with it. He was barely aware as a custodian came through, sweeping his shattered Toon body into a dust pan. This caused the laughter to increase in volume and intensity._

"_You laughed at me," he stated, later confronting her in the locker lined school halls, the pain in his heart being the _only_ thing keeping him from being affected by her charm. Even then, it was just _barely_ preventing him from complimenting her._

_Minerva shrugged, briefly closing her eyes. "It was just a prank," she countered. "We're all Toons, Monte." She gave him a smile as her eyes reopened. "Slapstick is one of our things," she said in that melodic voice._

"_But _you_ laughed at me," he repeated. "My own so-called best friend, whom I've supported even before she was part of the popular crowd, laughed at my misery. I've never laughed at those few times when those pranks against you succeeded, Min… Does my friendship mean so little, now?"_

_Minerva's smile faded into a slight frown. "Monte…" She sighed. "It was nice, but I'm beautiful now. I need to branch out from just having you as my friend. We can't leech on each other," she said. At the rat's defiant glare, she shook her head, holding her books against her chest. "Look, I'm sorry, but the prank was too funny, and I can't jeopardize my new image now." She looked back up at the slightly smaller rat, bringing a velvety soft hand to his lower jaw. "Branch out, Monte, okay? Find some more friends." With that, she turned on her heel, and walked down the hallway without a second glance._

_Perhaps, just perhaps, she would not have so quick to walk away had she paid any attention to the defeated and broken expression upon Monte's face._

_The Toon rat shook with sorrow, tears pooling upon his eyelids as he stood there, alone. That was it, huh? "Find some more friends."? Minerva might as well have slapped him in the face and told him to go away, at least in his own opinion. Well, fine. That's just what he would do. He didn't need a back stabbing mink for a so-called friend, anyway…_

_He would not be seen the rest of the day, or at all tomorrow. The day after that, it would be announced that Monte Cristo Rat had been transferred to Perfecto High. Hey, Toons worked fast._

"Yes," Monte told the fox as he lowered his arms to his sides. "I know her kind… They look out for only themselves, only pretending to care about someone until someone or something better comes along in their lives…"

"You make it sound like you two had a history…"

The gray rat sighed, closing his eyes as he turned around, that scaly pink tail swaying behind him. "Just drop it," he commanded. He looked back up at the fox… to see something that worried him greatly. The fox seemed to be focused on something behind Monte, with a look of bliss and a goofy grin. "Uh… dude?" Monte waved a hand in front of fox's face. "Are you okay?"

"Pre-pre-pretty-pretty girl…" the fox mumbled.

Monte Cristo Rat's eyes widened in horror as he pieced it all together.

"Oh!" a melodious voice sounded out from behind him, sounding so close, yet so far away. "Monte? Monte Cristo Rat, is that you?"

He felt two arms wrap around him from behind. He froze up with a high pitched squeak as a result, becoming stiffer than a statue. He could feel the velvet fur of her cheek press into the back of his skull, his own tail rubbing against the silky material that more than likely belonged to the dress she wore, and his heart pounding like a drum, thankfully not yet to the point of jumping out a foot in front of him.

"Long time no see," Minerva Mink stated, her angelic voice echoing in his ears.

He wished he had melted, so that he could recompose himself and get out of her grip, and then he could grumble out "Not long enough". But he couldn't. Her fur against the fur on the back of his head felt so _good_… Thankfully, though, as quickly as the embrace came, the white mink released her grip. Without turning around, he could imagine her placing her hands on her hips. "What, no hello? Come on, turn around. I want to get a proper look at you."

Monte dared not fulfill the gorgeous mink's request. He knew from his own reaction not even seconds ago that being a graduated Mary Sue meant nothing in the presence of Minerva Mink. He had no immunity to her allure, as much as he wished otherwise.

"Oh, come here," he heard Minerva say to him in an annoyed huff. It was Monte's only warning before those hands seized him by the shoulders –she was wearing purple gloves, he noticed—and forced him to turn around, his tail's tip smacking his vulpine friend across the nose, causing that fox to reel back, still under the effects of landing his gaze on the gorgeous mink.

Alas, poor Monte got a full blast of the patented "Minerva Mink Aura of Allure".

His eyes went wide and starry, with his muzzle now forming an awkward, goofy, closed mouth smile, as she turned his head every which angle she could, as if she was inspecting him like cattle. "Min…" passed through his maw, being whispered as if it was the only word he knew.

The blonde and white mink herself, clad in a glittering, strapless red dress as seen in her cartoon short 'Moon over Minerva', giggled lightly at his predictable lack of self in her presence. "Yeah, of course it's me. Who else would it be, dear Monte?" Her brown eyes scanned him up and down as she stepped back. "You may not be a hunk, but you've certainly gotten handsome in your own right, haven't you, big boy?"

That was it. The will of the Toon rat shattered –however briefly—with those words. His hate melted into infatuation as his body began to change shape, swiftly becoming a rocket as flames and smoke erupted from his loafer dressed feet.

Then, blast off.

"WOOOOHOOOOOO!"

He took off into the air as the mink looked on, his body twisting, turning, and looping through the sky. After one solid minute, Monte crashed back down to the earth… through the top of a house… which was ten miles from the wedding… where his car was.

It sucked to be Monte so very, very much.

"Ooh, a big and cuddly mousy-wousy!"

Hearing those words spoken in such a childish tone brought the gray rat out of his lust induced daze. He didn't even have time to pick himself up off the floor, however, before he felt tiny arms squeeze around his abdomen. The poor guy would not be home for a long while.

His thoughts drifted back to another memory as his torture commenced.

_The young, rat groaned, looking away from the mirror and toward his overweight friend. "Min, do I _have_ to dress like this?" he asked her._

_The two prepubescent Toons were going trick-or-treating. Monte had convinced Minerva to come with him and his mother, insisting he would not have any fun without her presence. The Mink had, in the end, agreed to come with him… on one condition._

_Minerva giggled. "Oh, I think you look perfect… 'Mickey'."_

_Sure enough, Monte Cristo Rat did look like a mockery of Mickey Mouse, with red pants, big yellow shoes, and all. Monte did not like Mickey Mouse, and Minerva knew this. Still, so long as it made her smile, he would endure._

"_Well then…" Monte began, turning to face the Mink with a very slight, reluctant smile. "I guess we'll be off, then… 'Minnie'."_

Monte slammed the round door shut and locked it once he finally got back home from his encounter with Elmyra Duff. If one could see the poor rodent, he or she would see Monte in a bright, baby blue dress, with one of Elmyra's spare bows tied into his inky black hair. Monte yelped as he ripped the bow from its place, and then quickly slipped out of the dress, still in that tux. He then carried the offending articles of clothing to a garbage bin and threw them in with a huff. "Lousy strawberry blonde brat…" he growled.

Now, he had missed the wedding, he was sure of it. He had missed one of the best moments of one of his friend's lives because of Elmyra Duff…

… No.

He missed it because of Minerva.

Monte walked back over to his desk within his study, sighing in aggravation as he sat down in the comfy chair and rubbed his temples. Minerva… that mink was going to drive him insane, now that they had seen each other. He was sure of it.

At that point, his desk side phone began to ring, playing the melody of the Animaniacs theme song. Monte quickly answered. "Hello?"

"Dude… you were right…" the voice of the fox from earlier stated. "The wedding was chaos with that gorgeous babe there. I mean," Monte could hear the euphoric amusement in his friend's tone, "even the groom was powerless to resist. The bride nearly put him in the hospital… Aside from that, though, those two are happily wed!"

"You don't say…" Monte responded with sarcasm.

"Aw, dude, don't be like that… Anyway, I called to tell you that Miss Mink asked for your address, so…"

Monte's grip on the phone tensed dangerously. "You didn't…" he growled out.

"Yeah," Monte could imagine the fox scratching the back of his head to go with that guilt-ridden tone. "I couldn't stop myself, Monte. Believe me, I tried, but I was powerless before that gorgeous goddess!"

"…" Monte let out a sigh. "I believe you, my friend. I wasn't exactly immune, either… Well, anyway, thanks for the warning. I best get up and bar the door."

"Later, oh Perfecto Prince!" the fox closed.

Monte's left eye twitched. Perfecto Prince, that old title? Still, he responded. "See you…"

Then they simultaneously hung up their ends. Monte stood up, now heading for his chambers. He needed to wash out all the perfume and such that girl had sprayed him with. So, he grabbed a towel, hopped into the shower bath, concealed himself with a black curtain –the rat had made sure that the curtain would not show a shadow silhouette—then promptly threw his clothes off over the ring. Then, the shower went on.

"Not amazing being me, just try it, you will see," he sang, _intentionally_ ripping off his ex-friend's theme and changing it –as a way of Toon spite—as he scrubbed himself. Unfortunately, being capable of such a thing was part of the Mary Sue package. Fortunately, he could not match lyrics to the tune that well. "Not rewarding, it's a fact~ being a Mary Sue rat. La-da-da, da-da-dee—"

That's when he heard Minerva… again. "It's not pretty, being me!" the melodious voice sang. It sounded…a bit close. Too close, really.

Hesitantly, the gray rat parted the curtain, only so that his face would be seen. He quickly retreated at the first blink of blonde fur. "MINERVA!" He glared at the black shower curtain that, thankfully, separated her from view. "You do NOT walk into the bathroom while a guy showers, Chuck Jones, Tex Avery, and Steven Spielberg all curse it! Get out!"

"Okay, Monte. I'll just be looking around…" He heard her soprano giggle fade gradually as she seemed to walk out, a door shutting behind as a signal. Why did he leave that door open, anyway?

Still, the rat sighed, looking –glaring, actually—out at reader. "Can't a guy have ANY privacy?" With that, the screen faded black.

Not long after that, Monte walked into his study, now clad in a simple, blue, tropical designed shirt, a set of khaki pants, and tennis shoes. It was standard background character attire, at least, at a beach or boat setting. Personally, Monte liked the shirt; it allowed his fur to breath.

"Really, Monte, you graduated from the Perfecto line as a Mary Sue? I hear that's quite an accomplishment in those schools."

Closed eyelids shot wide open at hearing that. His brown eyes ended up locking onto the mink, who was sitting on his desk as she looked around at the various pictures and certificates.

The gray rat gulped, already feeling his will to resist Minerva slip once again. He tried stepping back as Minerva's eyes went to him.

_Oh, son of an anime and manga artist,_ the rat cursed within his head.

"So… how have you been, Monte?" the blonde mink asked as she smiled and stood up from the desk, striding toward the rat as he continued to back away. She giggled once he pinned himself to a wall, bringing a, thankfully, still gloved hand to his jaw. "Come on, Monte. I want to know how my best friend has been for all these years."

The words 'best friend' snapped Monte out of the spell, his anger bubbling. "Best friend?" he growled, Minerva blinking in reaction as she withdrew her hand. "What about Trudy? I hear _she's_ your best friend, now."

Minerva blinked again. "Trudy?" She smiled again. "Well, yes, Trudy is my best _female_ friend," she copped out. "But you were my _first_ best friend, Monte. You know that…"

The rat frowned, looking away before Minerva's charm could work its magic again. "So says the one who chose popularity."

Minerva blinked, and then she gave the rat a perplexed expression as she crossed her arms. "What do you mean by that, Monte?"

The gray rat did his best to ignore the question, walking around Minerva as well as he could and heading over to his desk.

"Monte…" Minerva whined, uncrossing her arms as she turned toward the rat. "Answer me, please?" The blonde, though Monte was looking away, was trying to give the rat the ever-so-infamous puppy dog pout.

Monte huffed, crossing his arms as he kept facing the opposite direction. "If you don't know, then you should just go… Go and leave me all alone like you did before," he growled.

"Excuse me?" the gorgeous mink asked, clearly offended as she dropped her pout. "I left you all alone? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Monte Cristo Rat! _You_ were the one who transferred!"

"You laughed at my pain!"

Minerva blinked, before realization hit her. "… This again! Monte, I told you back in high school: we are Toons! We're supposed to enjoy slapstick!"

"Not when my _former_ best friend laughs at me!" Monte stated, angrily turning to face Minerva with a snarl on his acute muzzle. "I loved you, Minerva Mink! Even before you went through that twisted puberty and became this… this… prima donna tramp, I loved you! Yet you had the gall to stomp all over my heart and cast me aside like an old sock!"

The blonde mink only stared, wide-eyed, before trying to get herself under control as her old friend took deep breaths. "Monte, it wouldn't have work-"

"I'm not done!" the graduated Mary-Sue interrupted. "For so long, I've wanted the old Minerva, fat, fluff, and all, back… but I'm not some delusional dreamer drawn by Disney… I know she's never coming back…" The rat squeezed his eyes shut and pointed at his office door. "Now leave, you backstabbing-"

Suddenly, a bar of pink soap launched into Monte's mouth at high speed from nowhere, briefly choking him and sending him to the hardwood floor as he coughed up bubbles and suds.

The mink peered over the desk, eyes still wide with concern. "Monte?"

"Just…" The rat hiccupped out a dose of soapy bubbles. "Just go…"

Slowly, the white and blonde mink did as she was directed, leaving Monte to his solitude.

Once he was sure the mink had truly removed herself from his presence, Monte shakily grabbed the leg of his chair, slowly and gradually pulling himself back to his feet. He kneeled over, his muzzle out of camera view as he forced the soap bar back up. "Lousy soap…"

In a short matter of minutes, Monte was now at his desk, looking through his planner. Tomorrow, he needed to go to ACME Emporium, the common source of traps for all villainous Toons.

He was not about to take risks should the mink decide to return.

_Disclaimer: This author holds no ownership to any character from the Warner Bros. franchise, or any of Spielberg's works and characters, or anything related to the Looney Toons and Merry Melodies. This author also holds NO ownership of the fan fiction entitled Minktales. To read Minktales, which this short story is set after with original author's permission, seek out __**Bra1n1ac.**_

_Originally, this was a one-shot that I had no idea how to continue, like my other stories. However, after talking with an author, __**MasterOfYourFate**__, about how I could expand this, I have gotten into some groove of sorts._

_Do not get your hopes up for short updates. I try –and fail- to think fics through… Also, to any who care to read, I am trying to work on my other story __**"Wicked Witch of Konoha".**__ Suggestions for both this fic and that fic would be greatly appreciated._

_Finally… a cookie to whoever can guess WHY a bar of soap flew into Monte's mouth from nowhere. It should not be hard._


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